Buhtt sex?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
