oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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