Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
