??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
