Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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