Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
