yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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