were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize