listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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