ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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