apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
