You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
