Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize