Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize