I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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