Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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