Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got inside last night via doggy door
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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