he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize