once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
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Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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