her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
