I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
