Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
