He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
