I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my being single is dangerous.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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