dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
