She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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