i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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