Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
