Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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