i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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