I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
