Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
