Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
