Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
