Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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