i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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