Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
