yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
