Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
