he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
