Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
