I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
