You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
