Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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