I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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