pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
