You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
