do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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