Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
