do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
time to smoke my breakfast
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
