The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
