Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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