You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
