yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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