if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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