your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
